just tell him i said nine months
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
