who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
