I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize