recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
