I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
