Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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