I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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