So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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