All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
