I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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