I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
