he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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