hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
