Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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