k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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