Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
