Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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