I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
