I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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