Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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