Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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