I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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