alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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