My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
