KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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