he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
