I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
