My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
