actually, I'm a sock model
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
