Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i think i scared a bird with my dick
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
