I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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