I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
where are you?
Hypothermia
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
