the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
