He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
