Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
