A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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