I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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