Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
