one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
