Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
