Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
