Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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