I didn't shave. On purpose
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
