eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize