I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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