i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
