Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
