I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
