I wish I only lived at night.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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