he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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