So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
