Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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