what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
