He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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