i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
