Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
