nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
