East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
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