connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
