Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just found puke in my bra..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
