Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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