Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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