you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
