I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
