Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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