the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
