Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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