I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
