i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
